YEARNING FOR FREEDOM

Gosh, I have not written on my blog since…who knows when. That anyone has read any of my posts still leaves me in awe.

So here I am its 2026 and at 71 years old (yes, old…not as the “new” generation of my age group now want to classify themselves as 71 years young, a whole crock of crap is my opinion. I am not ashamed to admit that I am 71 years old…we all age, albeit differently. Oh and while I am on the age topic, why do people say “you look good for your age”? Let me be blunt, “what the fuck does that mean?” Sorry, just don’t get it. It is demeaning. If you have to say it…end it just after good. You look good. Capiche!

FREEDOM STAGE 1

For as long as I can remember I have always yearned for freedom. It was an ache or an itch that just never let up. Freedom to do what I want when I want with whom I want. Rather selfish you would think but that was my basic instinctive drive for everything I did in life. Looking back over my life I understand who I am at heart so much more than when I was younger. As a young girl, confidence was not something I had. When someone (mostly) teachers at that age put me in the spotlight I froze and so did my brain. So the only feedback I ever got was “Ingrid can do better”. I know the teachers had my best interest at heart but this became my silent motto. I was never good enough.

Let me clarify something right now and quickly…I seek no pity or feeling sorry for me from you. These are just the chronicles of events, that shaped my life and the lessons I learned from it to become a better version of me. And yes I still improve everyday as lessons never stop and learning is life long.

So my first freedom stage came in 2008, at age 54. After a disastrous corporate career (lessons for another post) my boss, and I came to an agreement and I left. Freedom at long last at an enormous cost to myself, emotionally and financially. I left a corporate job that in its last few years I hated. Ok, I know my post says freedom and now I am giving out life lessons learned, what the heck, I am on the corporate topic anyway:)

LESSONS LEARNED FROM BEING IN A CORPORATE (up to 2008)

Fight for your finances when leaving a corporate. Do not let them decide for you. I was desperate to get out and took what ever they threw at me. Damn Doffie!
Under no circumstances let other people’s (specifically people that are your peers) opinion of you influence you to believe you are incompetent. Trust me, you will live up to that expectation and become incompetent. I did!
Do not stay in a job / workplace you hate. Life is too short. Leave. Life will sort itself out for you for the better, it always does believe me.
Do not climb the corporate ladder for money, that certainly is not worth the toll it takes on your life or your sanity.
Oh, for heavens sake do not try and please everybody. You can’t. Its not your job to try and make people happy. Happy sits inside you and it is your responsibility to find out what makes you happy. It is not your boss, husband, family, kids or friends tasks to make you happy. Only yours.
You impress no-one when you get to work before everyone and then leave after everyone. Corporate companies don’t give a damn about you, you are a resource, that costs money and makes money for them. Period. Work hard and be productive by all means but do not sacrifice your life. Seriously people this is a big one. How many of us (me included!) spent enormous amount of hours at work, with no time for yourself, family or a loved one. Ask even the millionaires, and yes billionaires, especially in their older years, was it worth neglecting family, friends, loved ones for money….definitely not. Money buys comfort and luxury and fake friends and family…hmmmm…not real friendships and love.
If you have a corporate psychologist / coach available, use them. You will learn a lot from their guidance.

AFTER CORPORATE (2008 TO 2021)

Now these were turbulent years, for me. I am 54 years old and have no clue as to what I will do for the rest of my life. So guess what I did…another doffie!…started working with another corporate..luckily for me they were an international company, so my boss was literally miles away from me. So I had some freedom. Oh, and to top it all, I was a sales consultant…seriously me? My approach to sales was (and still is), do you need it, do you want it, buy it, if you don’t, don’t buy it. So no, I was not a salesperson whatsoever. I was fortunate enough to have a had a fantastic salesman working at our appointed distributor, so luck was on my side. This lasted until 2016.

FREEDOM STAGE 2

I hesitate to say that in 2016 I had freedom, as financially I was not free. I am an intelligent person, lots of knowledge on finance but loved spending money. Spending money, or retail therapy as we used to call it, comes with consequence. This we have a tendency to ignore. So needless to say, in 2020, yes during COVID it became blatantly clear to me that my finances were dire to put it mildly. I decided to explore moving into a smaller house as the bond on the existing house was literally trying to kill me. Oh and I dare mention that my bond was with a funny tree bank that treated me like a criminal and threatened me over the phone during COVID years. Even though I was a very good client, always paying my bond and yes there were a few months where I could only pay a portion of the bond repayment but I still paid something, yet they still threatened me with court action etc etc…where was the ombudman when I needed him/her? Anyway, deciding where to live became a nightmare. I could afford a “pondokkie” as I needed to pay cash this time round, no bond for me, and staying in the Johannesburg area then became a big NO. Time to explore. I started in the northern part of Kwazulu Natal coast and moved all the way to Cape Town, still nada nothing in my price range. If it was in my price range it was the size of a matchbox, built on the doorstep of a neighbor, and I was determined to have a garden. I love music and living so close to a neighbor I knew will never work for me. That’s when my exploring took me to the West Coast. Never been there knew no-one that lived there. But here I found my piece of heaven. In my price range and a garden bigger than my existing garden. It took 3 months and I was gone. Moved all the way south and moved into my own piece of heaven end 2021.

FREEDOM AT LAST 2021

Yip it took 67 years. Fucking long time if you ask me, but I got it. My little piece of heaven, 300m from a beautiful beach. Yes, the water can freeze, literally your balls off and the wind blow you to kingdom come, but heaven it is. Nice people, hmmmm, most of them. I thank God everyday for the privilege of my freedom, to do what I want, when I want, with whom I want and that I am still healthy to do it. Health is in my opinion the most underrated wealth. The benefits are off the charts and is the backbone of my freedom. If you are sickly or have pain of any kind, freedom basically do not exist and health robs you of it all. Lesson look after your health.

I will end here, so look out for my next post of rantings and ravings…no seriously I am not nuts yet…ok just a little.

The Matter of TRUST EARNED, RESPECT EARNED…..

Beliefs and Principles, Uncategorized

I have been meaning to write about this, wow, must be, for the last 3 years!

This thing that everyone talks about! “You have to earn my trust” “You have to earn my respect”

So tell me how long does this earn period last and what is the criteria? In my humble opinion all a bunch of nonsense. In today’s world we all talk about the power of positive thinking and positive affirmations, so how could this negative view fit into those views?

Starting a relationship off based on a negative view, how can that serve anyone?

You give your trust and respect 100% to another person to start with unconditionally. It is then up to the other person (and yourself) to keep that trust and respect at 100%.

If for any reason what so ever the trust and respect gets broken, you discuss it, try and understand what went wrong and the outcome is either back to 100% or 0.

When you start any relationship on a positive note it has a much higher chance of being a success. Starting any relationship on a negative basis also has a very good chance of being a success, that is it has a higher chance of not working out?

So, when you meet someone where you would like to form a new relationship whether it is business, friendship or romantic, go the positive route.

You will be surprised how many times this becomes a healthy good successful relationship instead of a bad unhealthy negative experience.

To All The Mothers Of Our World

Family

This article is reproduced from The Holistic Healer booklet by BIPIN PAREKH ‘ANAND’

Many years ago I was standing at the Drivering License counter when the lady behind the counter asks “What is your occupation?”

I am a little puzzled by her question so she asks me again “Ma’am, are you employed, have your own business or …

“Oh, yes!! I have a full time occupation. I am a mother” Now the lady behind the counter looks a little puzzled. We don’t have ‘mother’ as an option for occupation. I will write it down as ‘Housewife’.

So here I am again back at the Driving License counter to renew my license and this time there is a rather pompous Public Relations Officer who asks me in a rather authoritative tone “Your occupation?”

On impulse I replied “I am a researcher in the field of Child Development, Nutrition and Interpersonal Relationships”

Now the lady officer is staring at me in amazement. I calmly repeat what I had just told her and she writes this down verbatim. Unable to conceal her curiosity, she politely asks “What exactly do you do in your profession, Ma’am?”

Now with renewed confidence I reply “My research projects have been going on for a number of years (Mothers never retire!!), and is conducted in a laboratory as well as in the field. I have two bosses (One is God and the other an entire family).

I have two honours in this field (A son and a daughter). My topic is considered to be the most difficult part of sociology work (All moms will agree!!)

I have to work more than 14 hours every day and sometimes 24 hours are not enough and the challenges are tougher than many other professions. My compensation is in terms of mental satisfaction rather than money.

I could see the lady officer was thoroughly impressed.

After I completed all the licensing formalities she came to the door to see me off.

On my way home I realized how good I felt about viewing my occupation in a new light.

As I arrived home I was welcomed by my 5 year old research assistant and my new project (6 month old baby) was energetically practising her ‘music’.

Today I earned a small victory over the Governmental red tape.

I no longer felt as if I was ‘merely a mother’ instead I was now a highly placed functionary in a service vital for mankind ‘Motherhood’

Now is ‘Mother’ not a great title to be fitted as a nameplate on a door?

By this standard, grandmothers deserve to be called Senior Research Officers and Great Grandmothers qualify as ‘Research Directors’

Aunts and others of that age group can be called ‘Research Facilitators’

Don’t strive to make your Presence noticed. Just make your Absence felt.

Thank you to all the Mothers of this world.

A Synchronistic Event

Beliefs and Principles, Psychic Development

My sister phoned to say that her son has just turned down his ticket to go and see John Edward’s show here at the Lyric Theatre in Johannesburg South Africa ‘would I like to go’? No I said its Friday night and I would rather watch television than go to the show. Much to my own surprise I phoned her back within 10 minutes to say I would go.

This all happened 2 hours before the show started. I thoroughly enjoyed it. I am on my own quest for spiritual self-development and I have completed numerous courses, read so many books from various authors that my Kindle is taking strain and my credit card is hiding in my cupboard, away from amazon.com.

Yet, amongst all these authors I never considered any of John’s books. See, already its John and not John Edward. I already feel as if I know him! Hmm, this has got to be ego talking. Anyway, after the show I purchased his book Infinite Quest and have not stopped reading it.

I love the way he talks to you, not like most authors who writes a book for you to read, John’s book makes you feel as if you are sitting in a room having a discussion with him one on one.

The book reads easily and the learning is pretty amazing. I have no desire to do any psychic reading for other people and the book to me is a fantastic tool for self-development.

So I was meant to have this book. My guides came up with this brilliant idea and there you have it. A cancelled ticket got me to the show and the book. A double whammy.

I want to thank my guides and John Edward for joining me on my spiritual journey.

Visit John Edward site.

Humorous Outlook of Work Life Balance

Beliefs and Principles, Work Life balance

Here we are again talking about balance. Let me tell you this talk is cheap, but the action comes at a high cost.

If you are wondering how that can be, consider this. You are being pressurised by your boss to work longer hours. You are pressurised by your kids to spend more time with them. You are pressurised by your husband to prepare better and healthier meals and to top it off he still wants you to perform sexually after all that at least three times a week.

You bitch and moan to your bookclub friends once a month (yes, this at least you have insisted on is your time no matter what) that you cannot continue like this as you are exhausted all the time.

They laugh and all tell you about work life balance. Ha! Now that is a joke as none of them has it either?

So where do you start and how do you prioritize?

This is the hardest decision you will have to make. What comes first? Your job which gives you a monthly income that allows you to at least be able to compete with the youngsters coming into the workplace. Your job requires you to dress the part that says ‘I am serious about my job and I am climbing the corporate ladder’. Say what you want but being well groomed costs money and that certainly does not get cheaper as you age it gets more expensive.

Taking time out from your job every now and again to spend time at your child’s gala event or some or other school function that requires at least a face of one parent takes its toll on your career, as you are constantly working time in.

Let’s face it ladies, men, husband’s I should say, certainly believe it is easier for a women to take time off work. When your boss is male, he seems to think you are always taking time off, when actually you only doing it maybe once a month. The worst however is when your boss is female, she seems to think that you obviously cannot manage your time properly because she manages to go to her child’s school functions and it never takes as much time as you take!

That’s trying to juggle the job. Now let’s look at the eating healthy part. Holy cow, tell me when are you suppose to shop for those healthy ingredients to cook each evening? Ok Ok, I know. Thank heavens for Woolies, but you still need to go to Woolies and pick out the food. Hopefully you have a pre-planned menu that will take less than 30 minutes because that is about what time you have left.

So now we get to the sex part. Ok, let’s just skip this part what can I say. Lie back and think of England.

Oh shucks I forgot to mention exercise. That size 10 skirt that became size 14 over night. Yes, you read it right, over night.

Eish as we South Africans will say, actually it’s not that bad, it’s worse. Sorry ladies just kidding.

Life when you start out in your working career is a breeze. You have all these plans and you vowed never to be like your mother. You have it all figured out. You will be different.

What you do not realize, is yes, you will be different from your mother. Life has changed. Technology has changed. Economies have changed. Relationships have changed. Actually, pretty much everything has changed. Off course you will be different. Your challenges are completely different to the challenges your mother faced.

So now what? What is the answer?

In my humble opinion as the author life is simple. Take it as it comes. Don’t try and plan life to death, it does not work. There are way too many variables.

Decide which of the things in your life you enjoy the most and prioritize accordingly. Don’t try to be super mom. Just be yourself, do the best you can. Love as much as possible, enjoy each moment life serves you and be grateful for everything you have.

Oh, last but not the least, laugh often and bugger the laughter lines. Now that reader is balance.

Seduced by a Stiletto at 10!

Aldo Shoes, Passion, Stiletto Shoes

Love at First Sight

IT’S August 1964 and the hit song playing on the radio was ‘You Really Got Me’ from the Kinks.

I AM 10 years old. My sister thinks I am asleep but I am peeping out from under the blanket. I was fascinated. She was standing in front of the mirror twirling this way and that way. Going up and down on tippy toes on the highest shoes I have ever seen in my life. How was she balancing on those thin heels?

THAT was my introduction to the stiletto and I can still hear the Kinks’ song, specifically the chorus line ‘You really got me’.

History Of My Addiction

MY buying addiction started as soon as I earned my first pay check. As with any young women I was a slave to fashion and went from the stiletto to the wedge and back to the stiletto.

Early in my working career, I owned shoes in every conceivable colour and the make or manufacturer had not featured high on the list, only quantity mattered.

IT was much later in my life that I realised that the quality of the stiletto was the most important aspect of buying.

SO I did what can be called a ‘spring clean’ of my shoe cupboard and every poor quality shoe was thrown out.

Haste and Elegance, No Not together

ON your first wear out, make sure you rub your stiletto soles on a rough surface, particularly when the soles are leather, as most stilettos do have leather soles.

Why?

LEATHER soles are unbelievably slippery and I have a particularly bad set of scars on my shins as evidence! Ok, ok, it was embarrassing but I will tell.

IT was early afternoon, and I’ve had a really bad day at work. My boss was being an asterisk. Female bosses, who behave like men, are the world’s worst. Anyway, that is definitely for another article. I was, to say the least, in a mood from hell, and decided to go and get some retail therapy.

Grabbing my handbag, briefcase and my laptop bag I hurriedly left the office.

I WAS wearing a beautiful pair of Italian Contronseso slip on stilettos. I had two flights of stairs to go before I reached my car in the parking lot. On the last set of stairs, I put my foot to far forward on the step and I did what can only be described as ‘skiing down eleven steps (I counted them afterwards) on my knees. (ow!)

FORTUNATELY, I had my laptop bag in one hand and my briefcase in the other, which helped with the balance going down. If I did not have these two items in my hands, I would have surely gone down, head over heels. Now that would not have been a pretty sight!

I LANDED on my knees, head bent down, as if in prayer, whilst (oh heavens wait for this!) a gorgeous young blond man was just coming up the stairs. I wonder what he thought as I landed in front of him.

I wanted to die, but I did not.

HE so gently asked if I was ok, whilst picking up my shoe. I managed to get back on my feet and sit down on the stairs in about a nano second. I said, no I am fine with the biggest smile on my face, all the while dying of embarrassment inside, saying the funky word repeatedly as wow, I was so sore.

HE gently put my shoe back on my foot. Momentarily, I felt like Cinderella.

I SAID thank you and then literally ran to my car. Once inside my face screwed up like a ‘girl’ and I was in tears sobbing. All the skin was off my shins and my knees, ouch were raw. (No one would have seen this as that day I was wearing a long skirt)

NEEDLESS to say, when I showed my girlfriends they all burst out laughing and told me the sex must have been rough! Stupid women!

THOSE poor Controsenso stilettos were punished to the back of the cupboard, and it has been 18 months and I have not worn them since, poor sods.

Some Hints: How To Care For Your Stilettos

WALK down stairs gracefully, no matter what your mood. Pointy Italian stilettos are, in most instances, longer than the actual step, which means put your foot down side ways.
WITH each new pair make the leather soles a bit rough, by either rubbing on a rough cement surface or gently rubbing the sole with sand paper. (You can get this from your local hardware store)
LOOK after your stilettos, never, and I mean never, wear scuffed heels. It’s just not done.
ANOTHER major point, please go for regular pedicures. There is nothing uglier than a beautiful pair of Italian or Brazilian sling backs or slip on stilettos in a pair of cracked heels, dirty feet (uugh!) or uncared for toes.
ALWAYS, wear a polish, preferably colour, on your toes.

PERSONALY, I am convinced that I must have the most crooked toes on the planet, but hey, they are mine and yes they are unique. So, I paint them in different colours and I am not shy to wear my beautiful stilettos with my ‘unique’ toes.

DO not wear your stilettos on two consecutive days. Feet sweat and shoes need to air, no matter if they are strappy sandals or court stilettos.
BUY good quality stilettos. This is very, very important. Cheap stilettos are bad for your feet and back. Good quality stilettos are designed to keep your weight well distributed, the leather is soft and in most instances you could easily wear the stiletto immediately after purchase.
MY personal recommendation: Stilettos made in Italy or Brazil are excellent quality and comfortable.
LAST but not the least, regularly check your stiletto heels, clean them with good polish and have them re-heeled. Good quality stilettos are not cheap and this way, even if they cost you an arm and a leg, they will last for years.

In Closing: A Brief History of the Stiletto

WE the stiletto brigade must thank Charles Jordan who in 1951, tried something different and introduced the sexiest and most sensuous shoes, the stiletto, so named after a small dagger with a tapered blade, which the heel resembled.

ALTHOUGH today we see stilettos of over three and up to six inches in height, Charles Jordan’s stilettos were a conservative two to three inches.

DID you know that when Charles Jordan opened his boutique in Paris in 1957, women mobbed the store and he was forced to create customer queues? Even the, then popular sex icon of the silver screen, Brigitte Bardot, had to enter the store via the service entrance!

Thank you Charles!

Last Word

I WANT to wear my stilettos when I am ninety plus years old, so I invest in the best.

Going for the all time flats? No just not my style.

For me stilettos, says it like Shania Twain, ‘Man, I feel like a woman’.

10 Things I am Passionate About

Passion

If you ever get the chance or time to read my blogs, you will find that I generally write about the things I care and know about. Those things are:

People. Helping others obtain their goals and helping them to understand and change their thinking patterns. Our thinking patterns or thinking traps as it is also known is one of the major issues that we have that prevent us from realizing our dreams.
Our Planet. I care about our planet and know that we can through small acts of kindness or behavioural changes bring about necessary change.
Technology. The speed with which technology has changed in my life time has been unbelievable and I hope to live long enough to still see probably some of the greatest changes that technology will still bring to our world. I love reading about it and learning about new technologies where possible. The internet and its possibilities fascinate me as this has and will still change all our lives significantly in particular mobile phones and the influence this has on our social skills and society in general.
Personal Growth and Development. The only person that is responsible for your life is you. When you take responsibility for your own development and growth, you can direct your life in any direction that you wish to go. It is just as simple as that.
Family. I am blessed with a family that I love more than anything else. We are no different from the famous TV program ‘Brothers & Sisters’ as we fight, love and laugh as much if not more. Family is everything.
My country South Africa. It is for me a country that has all the different faces of life. Love, hate, laughter, sadness, possibilities, passion, colour, good, bad and these are just a few of the adjectives that come to mind. There are many, many more. Nowhere on this planet (in my opinion) is there a country where you live life as much as we do every day.
Valentino Rossi. The MotoGP (motorbike) champion is the best in the world and I love his dedication to his sport and his personality.
Reading. I am a bookworm of note. I read a lot of non-fiction always trying to expand my knowledge but I also love just to curl up on my bed and read books of my favourite authors. They are Patricia Cornwell, Frederick Forsyth, David Baldacci, Sandra Brown, Kathy Reich, James Patterson and my most favourite is the Jason Borne series from Robert Ludlum.
Rugby. I am a big Springbok (South Africa national rugby team) fan.

10. Writing. I have embarked on this passion over the last 2-3 years and love researching and writing about various topics that interest me.

Keep watching and reading my blog to get the latest updates on these and various other topics of interest.